Perspective

Addiction

I’ve seen generational cycles of drug and alcohol abuse in my own and other families. I’ve seen it turn some into lifelong helpless children and others into hyper-vigilant organizers of chaos. I’ve seen it as high functioning, happy, mean, and violent. I’ve seen it ending up in prison, ending up dead, and ending up in NA/AA.

Mental Health

I’ve seen the roller coasters of depression, bipolar, seasonal, chemical, situational, and generational. I’ve seen not getting out of bed for days, not going to work, and not helping in the house. I’ve seen it on and off ADHA medication. I’ve seen it obsessively clean to manage stress. I’ve seen babbling about Vampires on schizophrenic meds. I’ve seen it treat depression with eating until the host can barely walk. I’ve seen it isolate people and ruin careers. I’ve seen it tear families apart. I’ve seen it cut flesh and poison its host with thoughts of suicide. I’ve seen medicate itself with addiction.

Divorce

I’ve seen it cause kidnapping. I’ve seen it cause murder. I’ve seen it cause beatings, hospitalizations, and rape. I’ve seen it drag out for years. I’ve seen thousands of dollars wasted. I’ve seen it cause gaslighting, stalking, pettiness, and cruelty. I’ve seen it hurt children. I’ve seen it as an end to the delusion that a partner will change. I’ve seen it in every generation, faith, and orientation. I’ve seen hurt people living with bad choices.

Children

I’ve seen children used as weapons in breakups and divorces. I’ve seen children with no childhoods who carry the weight of the world. I’ve seen homeless children with nowhere to go. I’ve seen sexually abused children who weren’t believed or protected. I’ve seen corruption by parents and predatory behavior from coaches and church leaders. I’ve seen little ones limited by sexist bullshit.

I’ve seen beatings, threats of sexual abuse, psychological torment, and trauma bonding. I’ve seen death threats if the child tells. I’ve seen children barely teenagers when they repeat the cycle of sexual abuse onto the next generation. I’ve seen sons beat their mothers when stepping into their father’s shoes.

I’ve seen hurt little girls grow up to fall in love with monsters and repeat the cycle. I’ve seen hurt little boys grow up to fall in love with narcissists and repeat the cycle. I’ve seen that the courts, police, and Child Protective Services care. I’ve seen that society and religion do not care because most people don’t want to think about it.

Wheel of Power

I’ve seen emotional, financial, physical, sexual, and psychological abuse. I’ve seen threats of violence, male privilege, and taking the children. I’ve seen isolating the victim. I’ve seen family do it to family, friends do it to friends, neighbors do it to neighbors, strangers do it to strangers. I’ve seen it move through the generations like poison.

Poverty

I’ve seen broken dysfunctional patterns of thinking and broken grammar. I’ve seen the shame of generational incest and the pain numbed at the bottom of a bottle.

I’ve seen church intolerance and pastors publicly shaming smart educated women and girls. I’ve seen the refusal of leadership roles to women.

I’ve seen angry adherence to conspiracy theories covering self-loathing and shame. I’ve seen anger and jealousy towards the educated and wealthy. I’ve seen poverty pride that isolates people. I’ve seen poverty and city livin’ turn a woman into a drug addict, drug dealer, and whore.

Inequality

I’ve seen my privilege being born white in America. I’ve seen my privilege of being born female and, therefore, not suspected of being violent or a sexual predator. I’ve seen that rights are not given but demanded.

I’ve seen that every group has its struggles. But, I’ve also seen the closer a person is to a white, straight, Christian, man the easier it is to overcome those struggles. I’ve also seen that people dehumanize white, straight, Christian, men.

I’ve seen that a lack of empathy is a cause of inequality. I’ve seen that we can all do better.

Fate

I’ve seen children not yet in elementary school being diagnosed with cancer. I’ve seen parents who watched their college student child die of cancer. I’ve seen a woman on her honeymoon get crippled in a car accident during her first semester of graduate school.

And Yet…

An ethics professor at Spring Arbor University once said “life is worth the risk.”

I’m getting married in one week and starting a family soon. It still surprises me that someone with so much perspective would get married, have children, or be emotionally available at all. But, I agree with my professor - life is worth the risk.